Monday, July 25, 2011

Celebrity Worship?

     Why do so many of us worship celebrities who have drug and alcohol problems?  Do we take the person out of the equation and just worship their position or the attention they get from the public or the money they make?  What is this obsession we all have?  What is this telling us about ourselves?  It's as though the addiction side of the problem is ignored.  A couple of months ago the public couldn't get enough of Charlie Sheen.  Watching his daily demise on national TV was an obcession of the general public. Many of these celebrities have serious drug and alcohol problems that will result in death, as did Amy Winehouse this past weekend.  Rather than envying these starlets, we could be learning from them.  It is like watching a rerun of a horror movie in slow motion. You know where it's headed yet you want to continue to watch.
    The story here is that regular everyday people who have an addiction, like you and me, have the same fate as the famous, if we choose drugs and alcohol over sobriety. The story always ends in the same way. Even the famous are not saved.  I challenge you to listen to the words of Amy Whinehouse's hit "Rehab."  I happen to be the kind of lover of music who only hears the beat and the energy of a song.  Rarely do I pick up on the words of a song when I first hear it. So, it was no surprise that when I really listened to Amy Winehouse's Rehab song I heard something deeper than just the melody of , "No, no, no. I ain't goin' to Rehab." I heard an addicts mind set that was minimizing her addiction.  An addictive mind that was telling her that she could do anything she wanted, just because she could.  I heard her minimize her addiction and the problems it was causing her. The lyrics are autobiographical, describing the protagonist's drinking habits and refusal to enter rehabilitation clinics.  The song was written about Winehouse's refusal to attend an alcohol treatment center after her management team encouraged her to go. "I asked my dad if he thought I needed to go. He said no, but I should give it a try. So I did, for just 15 minutes. I went in said 'hello' and explained that I drink because I am in love and have screwed up the relationship. Then I walked out." Winehouse later changed her management company. In the lyrics Winehouse mentions "Ray" and "Mr Hathaway", in reference to Ray Charles and Donny Hathaway. However, for some time, she replaced "Ray" with "Blake", referring to her ex-husband, Blake Fielder-Civil.
     So, what can we learn from these celebrities? Life is fragile.  It is to be respected as are our bodies. Addiction is no different for the rich than the average Joe.  It will always take you to uncharted nasty waters where, at some point, there is no life preserver that can save you. Rehab is there to help you but it can not do it's job if your mind is shut.  All that is required is that you open up to the possibilities.  That's all it takes.  Be honest.  Be open.  Keep an open mind.  It's worth it.
Just sayin'

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

We Heal in Groups

So many times I hear newcomers to sobriety say that they can get sober alone. It is their preference to go solo.  It is not uncommon among addicts to isolate and want to be alone.  In sobriety however, we are looking to change behavior and this is one area where change must take place in order to heal and move forward.  It is in groups where we find our strength, our courage to be honest again, and the motivation to stay the course.  It is when we are left alone and left to our own demise that we get off track and go inward, in a spiral down fashion, instead of reaching out.  "Do the opposite of what you feel like doing" is a common saying in the 12 step program. The bottom line is that if we could have gotten sober on our own we would have.  Being accountable to someone other than ourselves is key to staying sober.  Our addictive minds will lie to us and tell us anything so that we will use and abuse drugs again. Hence, staying in contact with others to constantly take reality checks on our thinking processes is a good idea.  Safety is in numbers.  Get involved with other members in the 12 step program. Whenever you start anything new, it is uncomfortable for a short amount of time.  That too shall pass. Remember that healing takes place in groups and what better place to be in than a group of people who totally understand you and know how you feel without you ever telling them. That's acceptance.  That's healthy living. Go get involved, you will be glad you did!
Just sayin'

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Healthy Relationships

     What is a healthy relationship?  If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, answering that question will be hard.   "You don't know, what you don't know."  Sounds confusing doesn't it?  The truth of the matter is, it is confusing.  If you have not had a healthy relationship demonstrated to you on a fairly regular basis, then it would be hard to recognize one if you saw one or if you were encouraged to be in one. Your first tendency would be to back away because you would be entering uncharted water. It feels uncomfortable.  That is why it is said that you attract what you are.  If your cup is half full, you will attract someone else whose cup is half full.  Is that what you want? Very rarely will you see a healthy person who wants to become involved with an emotionally unhealthy person.    
     Healthy relationships depend on two people being whole.  This is where some people go wrong in choosing to be in a relationship too early.  They choose to get involved so that their mate can make them feel whole rather than doing the work it entails to feel whole and to love themselves first before they get involved with anyone else.  Healthy relationships require both people to have healthy boundaries.  Someone who demonstrates healthy boundaries can make you feel extremely uncomfortable if you have not had them demonstrated to you in a positive and nurturing way in your past. 
   When we learn to take care of ourselves by setting boundaries, we in turn are teaching others around us how to treat us.  They, in turn, will learn how to take care of themselves and set positive and nurturing boundaries for themselves.
    So, how do you know how healthy you are?  Take a look at your friends and the people you have chosen to be around.  There just might be a correlation between who you are involved with and how emotionally healthy you are at this time.
 Just sayin'

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

3 Magic Words

   The next time someone you love says something that would normally send you through the roof, try saying these three words , "Tell me more."  Yes, these three words are like magic. They can help you out more than any other combination of words other than,"I love you."  Saying these three words gives you time to cool down, gives you more information to make a decision, and might possibly clarify what you do not understand at that time.  So, take a deep breath, get your fear under control (remember fear is usually underneath anger) and simply say, "Tell me more."


Just sayin'