Power of One

The Power of One!
Is your life getting better?  Is your conversation changing?  Are people noticing a difference in you?  These are all questions to ask yourself as you are making your way along the recovery path.  Often when we quit an addiction, there are immediate changes that are quite noticeable, but after several weeks/months or years, we get into a routine and change becomes less overt.  For this week, think about where you are and where you want to be and see if there are things you can continue to change that will help you get there.  No matter where you start, if you make one small change, it will have an effect.  Pick out a new vocabulary word and use it all week long, or walk for 5 (or more) minutes everyday and think about all the people you love as you walk.  Try a new recipe or eat a new food.  Compliment everyone you see.  Just make one change and see how it affects your week!

Just sayin'

Meetings.... Why Go to Them?

     Why go to meetings?  Because they work!  End of discussion! But for those of you who like to argue...read ahead.
     If you have been to a substance abuse treatment facility you know that it is stressed from day one to attend meetings and that it plays a big role in your recovery. Then why is it so hard to accept how important AA or NA meetings are to your sobriety?  The main reason has to do with our ego.  Most likely while you are in treatment your basic needs are being taken care of, for the most part. You are feeling apart of a small, close knit group who accepts you just the way you are. Your thought processes are becoming more clear and you are finally starting to feel good about yourself.  For many addicts this translates into, "I'm fine now.  I'm feeling great.  I can do this on my own." But hold on there!  Most likely, while you are in treatment, you are simply learning how to deal with life without any chemical substances that alter your thinking.  Any problems that arise are settled in your small groups with this close knit group of friends that you are relying on now.  It's those unpredictable "life" experiences that come after treament, that are just apart of life, that can and will throw you off.  Your treatment group is no longer a support system for you.  Your family may or may not be a support system but unless they are actually in the program their support is different than what you will get from going to 12 step meetings. This is where your meetings will help you.  Old timers in the program have a lot of life experience.  Their lives, just like yours, have been full of ups and downs.  The difference is that they know how to handle these problems without using.  They have learned how to do life on life's terms.  It's a way of life for them now that creates peace for them.  They would love nothing better than to share it with others.  That is what keeps them sober.  They reach out and help others, just like you will do if you stay the course. Think about it... when you find out something that is really cool that once baffled you, don't you love sharing it with others?
   What are you doing at meetings?  Are you sitting in the back not wanting to participate?  Are you scared to talk at the meetings?  Are you scared you won't be apart of the group?  Everyone has felt this way at some point.  This is what helps: Go to the meetings and help set up.  I compare this to going to a potluck.  If you go to a potluck and bring a dish to share with others, you always feel a little more comfortable and like you are really a part of the party because you contributed in some small way.  The same is true with helping out at meetings.  A small thing like setting up the chairs, putting out the literature or greeting people gives you a sense of belonging.  Stay after the meetings and simply just talk to people.  Volunteer to chair the meeting, if they allow newcombers to do so. Tell people you need a sponsor, several people will most likely stay afterwards to help you out.  Ask another friend to go with you.  If you find an open meeting of AA or NA, anyone can go with you to that meeting.  It always helps to try something new with a friend.  Ask someone in tretment to go with you or meet them there.
    I remember back in the day making up excuses as to why I couldn't attend AA meetings.  My excuses ranged from me not having anything in common with those people to not having time.  Neither was true.
    Sobriety is full of challenges.  Some we bring on ourselves, others are just thrown at us without warning.  Wouldn't it be nice to face those challenges with someone who has gone before you and knows how to solve it?  So, here's my challenge to you.  Try something outside of your comfort zone for two weeks that will challenge you to try new healthy behaviors. If it is hard for you to get to meeting, make yourself accountable to someone else who will hold you to your word.  If you are scared to attend, ask a friend to go with you.  If you do not have friends yet, sit next to the first person at a meeting that smiles at you.  The point is, try something different so that you are actually trying out various meetings in your area.  If you keep doing what you are doing, you'll keep getting what you're getting. You can do it!
Just saying....

90% of Our Problems are Caused by Our Own Thoughts

    90% of our daily problems are caused by our own thoughts. How could this be? Certainly, others actions have contributed much to the emotional imbalance that we often  feel when relating to others. It must be their fault that we feel this way. Right? Wrong. Here's how this works. Let's say that a teenage boy answers his cell phone at the dinner table.  There is actually no emotion attached to the fact that the teenager simply brought his cell phone to the table and answered it.  Now, let's assume that this teenager's parent had asked him not to bring the phone to the dinner table again nor talk on it during dinner and he did it anyway.  Again, the act of bringing the phone to the table and answering it has no emotional content.  What story we bring to it is different depending on our own background and circumstances leading up to it.  Are you getting the picture? Our emotions are based on the stories that we make up in our heads about a particular action that has taken place.  More often than not, this story is not  based on just the facts of the interchange or action that just took place but rather on the story we made up about the action.  This teenager's parent could tell themselves a variety of stories, depending on their frame of mind at the time. One reaction might be, "You are deliberately disobeying me by bringing your phone to the table when I've asked you not to do so.  You are grounded!"  Another possible reaction could be, "I see that you have brought your phone to the table after I have asked you not to but I trust that you must have a good reason."  Do you see the difference in the stories they are each telling themselves? 
   It is important that we are aware and become conscious of the stories that we tell ourselves.  This has a direct impact on how we emotionally react to stimuli.
   This all seems so simple.  All I have to do is pay attention to the real facts and objectively look at them.  Restating the general facts without the emotion is key to healthy interchanges.  Separating fact from emotion can be difficult. We all have filters that help us take in information.  Choosing the correct filter to look at a situation is the answer to responding without emotional termoil.  It's all about stepping back, looking at the true facts, and trying out various filters so as to see the situation from various points of view.

Celebrity Worship?

     Why do so many of us worship celebrities who have drug and alcohol problems?  Do we take the person out of the equation and just worship their position or the attention they get from the public or the money they make?  What is this obsession we all have?  What is this telling us about ourselves?  It's as though the addiction side of the problem is ignored.  A couple of months ago the public couldn't get enough of Charlie Sheen.  Watching his daily demise on national TV was an obcession of the general public. Many of these celebrities have serious drug and alcohol problems that will result in death, as did Amy Winehouse this past weekend.  Rather than envying these starlets, we could be learning from them.  It is like watching a rerun of a horror movie in slow motion. You know where it's headed yet you want to continue to watch.
    The story here is that regular everyday people who have an addiction, like you and me, have the same fate as the famous, if we choose drugs and alcohol over sobriety. The story always ends in the same way. Even the famous are not saved.  I challenge you to listen to the words of Amy Whinehouse's hit "Rehab."  I happen to be the kind of lover of music who only hears the beat and the energy of a song.  Rarely do I pick up on the words of a song when I first hear it. So, it was no surprise that when I really listened to Amy Winehouse's Rehab song I heard something deeper than just the melody of , "No, no, no. I ain't goin' to Rehab." I heard an addicts mind set that was minimizing her addiction.  An addictive mind that was telling her that she could do anything she wanted, just because she could.  I heard her minimize her addiction and the problems it was causing her. The lyrics are autobiographical, describing the protagonist's drinking habits and refusal to enter rehabilitation clinics.  The song was written about Winehouse's refusal to attend an alcohol treatment center after her management team encouraged her to go. "I asked my dad if he thought I needed to go. He said no, but I should give it a try. So I did, for just 15 minutes. I went in said 'hello' and explained that I drink because I am in love and have screwed up the relationship. Then I walked out." Winehouse later changed her management company. In the lyrics Winehouse mentions "Ray" and "Mr Hathaway", in reference to Ray Charles and Donny Hathaway. However, for some time, she replaced "Ray" with "Blake", referring to her ex-husband, Blake Fielder-Civil.
     So, what can we learn from these celebrities? Life is fragile.  It is to be respected as are our bodies. Addiction is no different for the rich than the average Joe.  It will always take you to uncharted nasty waters where, at some point, there is no life preserver that can save you. Rehab is there to help you but it can not do it's job if your mind is shut.  All that is required is that you open up to the possibilities.  That's all it takes.  Be honest.  Be open.  Keep an open mind.  It's worth it.
Just sayin'

We Heal in Groups

So many times I hear newcomers to sobriety say that they can get sober alone. It is their preference to go solo.  It is not uncommon among addicts to isolate and want to be alone.  In sobriety however, we are looking to change behavior and this is one area where change must take place in order to heal and move forward.  It is in groups where we find our strength, our courage to be honest again, and the motivation to stay the course.  It is when we are left alone and left to our own demise that we get off track and go inward, in a spiral down fashion, instead of reaching out.  "Do the opposite of what you feel like doing" is a common saying in the 12 step program. The bottom line is that if we could have gotten sober on our own we would have.  Being accountable to someone other than ourselves is key to staying sober.  Our addictive minds will lie to us and tell us anything so that we will use and abuse drugs again. Hence, staying in contact with others to constantly take reality checks on our thinking processes is a good idea.  Safety is in numbers.  Get involved with other members in the 12 step program. Whenever you start anything new, it is uncomfortable for a short amount of time.  That too shall pass. Remember that healing takes place in groups and what better place to be in than a group of people who totally understand you and know how you feel without you ever telling them. That's acceptance.  That's healthy living. Go get involved, you will be glad you did!
Just sayin'

Healthy Relationships

     What is a healthy relationship?  If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, answering that question will be hard.   "You don't know, what you don't know."  Sounds confusing doesn't it?  The truth of the matter is, it is confusing.  If you have not had a healthy relationship demonstrated to you on a fairly regular basis, then it would be hard to recognize one if you saw one or if you were encouraged to be in one. Your first tendency would be to back away because you would be entering uncharted water. It feels uncomfortable.  That is why it is said that you attract what you are.  If your cup is half full, you will attract someone else whose cup is half full.  Is that what you want? Very rarely will you see a healthy person who wants to become involved with an emotionally unhealthy person.    
     Healthy relationships depend on two people being whole.  This is where some people go wrong in choosing to be in a relationship too early.  They choose to get involved so that their mate can make them feel whole rather than doing the work it entails to feel whole and to love themselves first before they get involved with anyone else.  Healthy relationships require both people to have healthy boundaries.  Someone who demonstrates healthy boundaries can make you feel extremely uncomfortable if you have not had them demonstrated to you in a positive and nurturing way in your past. 
   When we learn to take care of ourselves by setting boundaries, we in turn are teaching others around us how to treat us.  They, in turn, will learn how to take care of themselves and set positive and nurturing boundaries for themselves.
    So, how do you know how healthy you are?  Take a look at your friends and the people you have chosen to be around.  There just might be a correlation between who you are involved with and how emotionally healthy you are at this time.
 Just sayin'

3 Magic Words

   The next time someone you love says something that would normally send you through the roof, try saying these three words , "Tell me more."  Yes, these three words are like magic. They can help you out more than any other combination of words other than,"I love you."  Saying these three words gives you time to cool down, gives you more information to make a decision, and might possibly clarify what you do not understand at that time.  So, take a deep breath, get your fear under control (remember fear is usually underneath anger) and simply say, "Tell me more."


Just sayin'